Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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