come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
