It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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