Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
