She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
