After last night, I could never be a politician.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
