I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
