And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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