Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize