it was like eating out sand paper
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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