Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
