do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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