Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
