and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
