How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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