i was born a porn star she said
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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