addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
should my penis look like a turkey
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Are we still banned from the library?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
