someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
