my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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