you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
