Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
the raccoons are back...
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