I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
