the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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