I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
