As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
