You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
