I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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