I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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