he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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