i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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