i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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