turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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