Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
