Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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