i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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