I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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