Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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