I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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