Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I have demons in me.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize