she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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