Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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