White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
