I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
