Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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