I feel like abortions should bother me more
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
