I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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