I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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