I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
