Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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