Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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