I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
