i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
