You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
