at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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