Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Vodka?
Forever.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
