mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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