There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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