The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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