Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm at about main and main street
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
