I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
