I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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