I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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