I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Green mimosas i think yes
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
