so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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