Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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