So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
