I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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