One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
