Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize