If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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