I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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