His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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